


Being Human

by acinnamonrollwithsomesin



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ignis is kinda Noct’s therapist here tho so yeah, M/M, Older Noctis Lucis Caelum/Ignis Scientia, Post-Episode Ignis Verse 2, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, get this poor king some therapy pLEASE, he’s been through literally so much, yet he holds it all inside
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25021114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acinnamonrollwithsomesin/pseuds/acinnamonrollwithsomesin
Summary: After he awakens from a frightening and all too real nightmare, Noctis takes a chance to finally take off his crown and truly feel human. With Ignis’ help, of course.AKA Me endorsing #GetNoctisTherapy2020 rEALLY fucking hard.
Relationships: Noctis Lucis Caelum/Ignis Scientia
Comments: 12
Kudos: 48





	Being Human

“Dad… _Trust in me_ …”

  
Noctis slowly lifted his father’s sword with a trembling arm, and prepared himself for the worst once he felt it leave his grasp. Regis, sword in hand, backed away to the front of his throne and shakily aimed it towards his son’s chest as Noctis let out a slow, quivering breath. There was hesitance, a tenseness in the atmosphere that only grew as the seconds went by, and Noctis could barely think or breathe from the loss of blood he received from his injuries. The pain coursing across the Chosen King’s entire body was unbearable, and the sheer amount of blood splattered along his suit only served to make him feel a sense of sorrow.

  
He knew there wasn’t going to be any turning back the second he walked into the Citadel with Ignis, Gladiolus, and Prompto waiting below, ever ready to guard their king from whatever may come his way. Yet in spite of that, Noctis’ heart sank with dread. Noctis knew it was only natural to have a fear of death, as all humans do. But now that he was close to it himself, he felt a twinge of terror that he had felt only _once_ before. The last time he felt such a way was twenty two years ago, after he was struck by a Marilith and fell into a coma from his wounds, and it hadn’t changed much since then. If anything, the sensation of impending doom only became _worse_.

  
Bahamut’s words echoed in his mind, from when he was still encased in the Crystal, a naïve boy who had no idea of what destiny—and by extension, the Gods themselves—had in store for him. 

  
“ _Many sacrificed all for the King, so must the King sacrifice himself **for all**_ **.** ”

  
_This…This is it…_

  
Noctis lifted his head, albeit with great difficulty, to get one last look at his father in hopes of making the agony in his heart fade away, in hopes of going to the beyond without any regrets. Yet before he could truly, clearly see his father’s visage, Regis plunged his sword into Noctis’ chest, and the force of the blow knocked Noctis back into the throne. His head slammed against it, giving him a brief sensation of vertigo, and he let out a weak gurgle of agony before his head slumped towards the floor of the Citadel. He swore he could physically feel his heart coming to a stop.

  
At that moment, Noctis’ eyes shot open as he woke up in a cold sweat, letting out choked breaths that sounded physically painful. He could feel a strange wetness near his eyes and on his pillow, there was slight pressure on his sinuses and forehead, and his nose felt so stuffed up that all he could do was breath through his mouth until it ran dry. Noctis soon realized…he must’ve been _crying in his sleep_. Despite the sensations that he felt, from the warmth of the blankets to the cold tears wetting his face, no part of this moment seemed _real_ to him. He shifted himself to the other side of the bed, and saw Ignis sleeping peacefully, his chest heaving up and down at an even, calm pace. Noctis grasped Ignis’ hand then, savoring the softness of his fingers and palm, and pressed a tender, yet desperate kiss to his knuckles. He sighed in relief as he gazed upon Ignis’ long lashes, as they barely moved from the sensation of the kiss. That’s how he knew this was real. It was all truly _real_.

  
_Thank the Gods…Just a nightmare…_

  
Upon having that revelation, Noctis sniffled, his breath staggering as tears streamed uncontrollably down his face once again, and he struggled with all his might not to weep out loud. He let out frail hiccups as he covered his mouth with one hand, and his muffled whimpers emanated throughout his and Ignis’ bedroom. He didn’t want to bother Ignis with his grief, especially not this late at night. He felt as though he’d only end up being a burden to his beloved, if he did. That was the _last_ thing he wanted.

  
Not only that, but there was a meeting in the morning regarding the reconstruction of one of Insomnia’s hospitals. He didn’t want to waste any precious time he could use to get some very valuable sleep. Noctis knew that making sacrifices was all a part of being king, so if he needed to hide his own suffering from those he served, then he felt it would be worth it if it meant he could help all of them with _their_ pain. To put it simply, Noctis was selfless to a fault.

  
_I don’t have **time** for this…I…_

  
In spite of Noctis’ efforts to silence his cries, Ignis’ eyes slowly opened to find his lover weeping before him, his eyes red and puffy from the tears that coursed down his cheeks and onto the bedsheets. At that, Ignis cupped Noctis’ cheek to wipe away a tear, still half asleep, and Noctis held the hand that tried to rid him from the fear that still lingered from his horrible nightmare, of the fear that he might _truly be dead_.

  
“Darling…What’s the matter?” Ignis mumbled softly, and tenderly wrapped his other hand around Noctis’ waist. Noctis let out a shaky breath, before shifting over to the other side of the bed to hide his tear stained face.

  
“It…It’s nothing…Go back to sleep, sweetheart.” Noctis draped the blankets back over his shoulder, adjusting his body into the pillow in hopes of making himself more comfortable and finally having sleep take him over. Ignis’ hand grasped at Noctis’ shoulder from behind him, and he leaned to whisper into his ear.

  
“Noct… _Look at me_ …” Noctis saw Ignis’ hand reach over to cup his cheek from the corner of his eye and brush his bangs behind his ear, and Noctis obeyed, only to find Ignis frowning in concern.

  
“Love, _tell me what’s wrong_.” Ignis ran his fingers absentmindedly through Noctis’ dark locks of hair, stained with sweat. Noctis averted his gaze, struggling to find the right words to say to him. He desperately wanted to hide under the blankets as if he were a small child, to stay silent for the rest of the night, but he knew Ignis was stubborn when it came to helping Noctis vent about something that may be on his mind. Ignis wouldn’t let this go until he said something, and they both knew it. So, he stuttered a small answer, praying that Ignis wouldn’t press the issue any further than he already has.

  
“I…I- _I can’t_ …”

“…So you don’t want to talk about it?” At that moment, Ignis stared into Noctis’ eyes, and Noctis was briefly distracted by his deep green irises illuminated by the late moonlight. He nearly lost his train of thought, but soon found a response appropriate enough for the situation. Noctis knew he couldn’t necessarily _lie_ , because Ignis was perceptive enough to tell whether or not he was being honest. It was both the blessing and the curse of knowing someone for twenty six years, so Noctis decided to simply give up and say what he truly felt.

  
“I-It’s not that important, r…really.” Noctis managed to stutter out. Ignis only glared at him in response, not offering a word to him. 

  
_Oh, right…He saw me crying. There’s **no way** he believes me…_

  
“Well...It...It’s not that I _don’t_ want to talk about it, I just…don’t have any time.” After a brief pause, Noctis shrugged half heartedly as he focused his vision to the tiny scar on Ignis’ nose, and twirled a strand of his hair between his fingers.

  
“Time? Time for _what_ , exactly?” Ignis raised his eyebrows in confusion from Noctis’ vague answer, and peered more intently as he saw his expression drop. Noctis couldn’t bear the intensity of Ignis looking at him in such an intimate manner, so his eyes darted away to the seam on Ignis’ collar.

  
“Time to…to focus on myself. I can’t be so _selfish_ , like I was when I was younger…not when there’s _so many people_ worse off than I am.” The more he spoke, the less Noctis’ tone had any sense of joy. Ignis was scared of where Noctis was going with this, frightened that this mentality of his might have lead to him harboring a sense of self loathing.

  
“I can’t wallow in self pity anymore, Ignis. I _gotta_ grow up. I _can’t afford_ to grieve for all I’ve lost, not now…” Noctis’ words were caught in his throat, straining it’s way out of him. His voice wavered slightly as he spoke, and his lip quivered as he attempted to hold back a sob.

  
“I’m not as important as the people I serve… _My_ pain…The pain _I_ feel, _every day_ … _It’s **nothing**_ **.** I…” Noctis’ breath hitched as he went on, and he pursed his lip. There was a moment of pure silence, and Noctis finally spoke once he saw Ignis grow dejected.

  
“ _ **I’m** nothing_…”

  
Ignis should’ve known that Noctis would feel this way sooner or later, but hearing those words genuinely come from someone he treasured so dearly just shattered his heart. Noctis’ tone finally broke as tears prickled at the corners of his eyes and blurred his vision. Ignis couldn’t take seeing the one he loved the most berating himself any longer, so he simply spoke his name in a kind, yet quiet voice to garner his attention.

“Noct…” Ignis leaned his forehead against Noctis’, and Noctis looked up at him, straight into his caring eyes, overflowing with pity.

  
“I ask…No, _I’m **demanding** you_. _**Never** say something like that **ever** again_.” His tone was sterner now, but Noctis could tell that Ignis meant every word that he said. Even so, something deep inside him couldn’t help from making Noctis object to Ignis’ kindness. That deep part in his soul that told him that he didn’t deserve kindness or love. The part in his soul that hated himself.

  
“But i-it’s _true_ , I—”

  
“Dear heart, listen to me. Listen to me for a moment.” Caressing Noctis’ cheek, Ignis silenced Noctis with a peck to his forehead. Taking his face into both of his hands, Ignis stared deeply into Noctis’ eyes, not once breaking eye contact.

  
“Just because you are king _doesn’t mean_ you have to suppress your heartache and your suffering. _Especially_ from the ones you love. Noct…My beloved Noctis. You…You shouldn’t have to hide _anything_ from me, even if it’s for my sake. It...I-It’s _not_ **_healthy_.**” Ignis’ tone grew uneven as he felt himself become overcome with emotion as well, but he shrugged it off for Noctis’ sake, as he knew that seeing him cry would only make Noctis feel even worse.

  
“You’re worth more than you know, darling. I…I love you, so, _so much_. And it pains me _deeply_ to hear you say such things about yourself. I know you’ve been taught since you were but a boy that you were destined to be _king_ , but I think many people have forgotten that underneath that crown that weighs heavier than I could _ever_ hope to know…” Ignis leaned in closer, stroking Noctis’ hair.

  
“Is someone that’s only _human_ …” Their lips connected as Ignis let out a heartfelt sigh, letting the taste of his lips linger against Noctis’. He took Noctis into his arms, and held his head against his chest as the younger man buried his face into the crook of his neck. He could feel the wetness of Noctis’ tears against his skin as he petted his hair in an attempt to comfort him, and Noctis reluctantly returned the embrace, as shameful as it felt to him at the moment.

  
“So, please…Take some time for yourself, love... You’re finally free to _be human_ , after all you’ve been through. Know this…I’ll _always_ be there to comfort you and aid you in your time of need. That hasn’t changed just because you are now ruler of Lucis.” Ignis’ warm breath against Noctis’ skin struck a chord in him, and he huffed as he held Ignis tighter. Ignis could see how close Noctis was to weeping, and he always wondered why he tried to hide his vulnerable side like this. Unable to withstand Noctis restraining himself any longer, Ignis begged Noctis, in a sweet, comforting whisper.

  
“Noctis... _Talk to me._ ”

  
“Well—“ Noctis caught himself realizing it was _much more_ than the nightmare that seemed to be bothering him. There was the Marilith attack, Luna being taken away by Niflheim, his father using a cane. There was the pressure of being next in line on the throne, highschool exams, his father’s death, _every single battle_ he had been in, from the coeurls to the cactuars. There was Luna’s death, his fight against Leviathan and Ardyn…The realization that _**he**_ would have died a brutal death ordained by the Gods, like a _pig to the slaughter_ , had Ignis not intervened all those years ago. He didn’t even know _where to **start...**_

  
It took him gathering all of his past agony into one small pile for Noctis to realize… _he was severely **traumatized.**_

  
“It’s, um…I-It’s _everything_ , really. That’s what I cried about. _Every single **horrible** thing_…Every _battle_ … _Every **loss**_ …I don’t think I’ve really taken time for _any_ of it.”

  
“...Then let it out… _ **All**_ the suffering you have endured over _your whole **life**_ …Let it all out. _Please. **For me.**_ ” Noctis hesitated at first upon hearing Ignis say such a thing. He was too afraid of appearing arrogant and selfish, the way he perceived his younger self, before the long night after he walked into the Crystal. “I can’t afford to be weak.” he thought. “I need…I need to be a _king_.”

  
And yet, the gentility of Ignis’ voice and the careful touch of his hand against his back was too much for him to handle, and before he knew it, Noctis began to sob into Ignis’ shoulder, gripping his shirt tightly as he finally realized it was okay for him to mourn not only for others, but for _himself_ as well.

  
“That’s right, love. There, now…Shh, shh, shh…I’m here, Noct. _I’m here._ ” Ignis pressed several languid kisses into Noctis’ hair as his wails continued to increase in volume, and Noctis tightly gripped his shirt until he could feel his hands start to shiver.

  
Noctis cried in Ignis’ embrace for what seemed like an eternity, yet Ignis’ patience did not falter even once. After a while, Noctis’ muffled sobs quieted to weak whimpers and hiccups, and eventually faded to calm, peaceful breaths of slumber. He had cried himself to sleep, with tears still budding at the ends of his eyelashes. Ignis wiped them away with a flick of his thumb, and gave Noctis a kiss goodnight, holding him protectively against his chest and stomach. Ignis leaned towards Noctis’ ear and whispered softly, despite knowing that Noctis was too far off in his little dreamland to hear him.

  
“ _I will **always** be here for you._”

_~Fin~_

**Author's Note:**

> The fact that Noctis never really goes in depth with his obviously severe trauma has always bothered me SO. FUCKING. BAD. So, I wrote this fic to finally address that “holding trauma in for the sake of not being a burden” is never, EVER good for your mental health. The fact that everyone around Noctis told him to do such a thing honestly made me sick, so much so that I had to show my view on the subject, bc I’m pissy like that.
> 
> As always, if you enjoyed my fic, comments and kudos are gladly appreciated!


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